不用英语了因为脑子枯竭掉了..来上海整整八个月，静安寺、中华企业大厦、屋企汤馆、避风塘、久光地下、Always Cafe、北京西路1565号，衡山路乌鲁木齐路、机场、天空...城市画报、Estetica、Slinky、洗手间里有一瓶常年不用的serum。最忠诚的味全酸奶消费者，苦苦挣扎拼命思考又困倦疲乏半路懈怠的Nina，我的状态决定了这个城市的状态。

即使重新开始听喻舟和Felix也找不回某种感觉。其实感觉嘛都是回忆的产物，只是在绝对时间点上总是不甘心不快乐。

最近需要面对很多老朋友。最最讨厌的中间状态是对过去和现在都不够投入。工作忙毁灭了和老朋友联系的心情，面对新环境又不能保持稳定的良好心态...少了常设的倾听和评论，总是隐约感到危险。我是不是在走一条对的路。

 

既然是月度总结，还是要列举。

1, Eager to learn!! That's the bottomline.

2, Find back pure interest on reading. Spend less time on complaints, sorrow and self-torturing, leave as much as possbile to reading.

 

今天下午的finance basics的manager speaker真好。

想像他一样一直一直的自然轻松心情愉快。

还有，Kevin和他有几分像，10年吧应该能看到一个和他一样使人如沐春风的Kevin。

 

 

 

Again review time. Just recieved a sms from China Mobile, telling: Ur prpayment's gonna be used up..shit! Who's gonna take charge of this expense? I cannot imagine 100 yuan goes so fast in one week!

 

I'm not a future teller, but so far as I can see, something always there to change your life, no matter how sentially we personally influenced by it and how long still it impacts us, impacts are impacts, you have to admit it especially when in long term making rational reviews.

 

I have no idea what exactly those happened and are taking place mean to me, generally saying, I'm a shortsighted person, don't take it wrong, I'm smart but terribly lack in experience. Worse, here I'm right this kind badly need practical experience to offer empirical illustration.

 

Nevertheless, listing down what's already happened in this month does good.

 

The first 10 days of Dec, I was still in phase of experimenting, trying to reach life's bottomline. Rather than letting myself where I was, I skipped emothional feelings and rational thoughts, I made myself floating on surface, floating in any direction the wave's gonna take me. While still, underlying this seemingly peaceful picture, something chemical's delicately changing. Through a bad decision which looks perfectly good right now I figured out finally what I need to get from life and love, what kind of man I really want and what kind of woman I'm gonna become. A clear voice just jumped out of throat whirling upward, "No play anymore". Yes, thanks my dad, thanks those people I met before and after. Dad u told me, u scolded me and u encouraged me, from you I at last knew what's wrong with myself, so long I've always making decisions mainly stupid and capricious all by myself. How silly I am to ignore the power coming from the experienced! Since the phone call we made on 9th, I decided to go out for more, listen to more people, especially old people. And since then, I met so many. I don't need "the one" to "rescue" me. If I still hold the belief someone's gonna appear then "miracles" goes after, it obviously directly discloses my fragility in personality, my lack in self-esteem and also independence. Yes, independence. The word I always didn't take to heart before. Really a good one.

Life needs more support, love is only one part. Like every coin has two sides, love also enjoys its pros and cons. (How typical a GRE sentence^^). Intimacy can be categorized, so love's one category. But concerning its delicacy and subtleness which apparently unable to find in normal daily life, better leave it , making it happen as naturally as we could.

 

The last month of 2005, hopefully the turning point has emerged and it really can change my life attitude so to change my life.:)

Winter's gonna pass, as days become warmer. I really enjoy what the city Shanghai and the job in L'OREAL has brought to me in second half of 2005. Things are just revealing by themselves, all those related to each.

 

Happy new year.

Wish a better 2006, wish my parents good health, my friends good mood and myself, a better one I love more.

 

 

 

How time flies..another 1/12 of one year passed. How much time left to me for meaningful life? I'm forgetting asking myself this question little by little. But I noticed Yuanyuan's nick changed today, to"Today's the first day of my remaining days." I understand how important this kind of saying means to a person paying close attention to concepts and syntaxes. This short sentence, embodying a sophisticated meaning, is constructed in a well-organized frame.

Some people's lives rely on actions. Their thoughts mostly depend on what they gonna do. While for others are not the case. Yuanyuan told she's born to be an entrepreneur, which is exactly the opposite side of professional service. But I have no bias for both, sometimes I even tend to prefer careers related to professional services as they bring to me, so called, chances to cultivate power of thinking. I don't know if it's because I haven't built up well-developed intelligence. Right here on the first stage to watch and understand, not yet to give opinions.

 

I'm trying to figure things out in my life, at least current life. Hopefully the indulgent time's become history. It's pretty fun, swimming in the pool while watching from beyond, for modification, small, enough.

And the job, should be more on practical side, which poorly was neglectd before.

No matter how ridiculous things look like, how funny and unbelievable connections develop and grow stable. You'd better forget all about the whole concept world for the moment, struggling for resource.

 

Come on, baby.

 

I decided to add a new category to my space. Not only should I casually write down my daily life, but also make a more rational review monthly.

After talking with Dad yesterday through phoneline, I confirmed a special quality diffrentiating me from others:My points rely highly on the acting of expressing, seemingly, words are miracle, by placing specific words one by one, by sequencing them just from corners of the mouth, suddenly, I get inspired by what I'm gonna say. The flow is too subtle and interesting as I hardly have any sense the minute before I get recognized of the topic. And when the talking ends up, it strikes me heavily to confusion where come so many brand new ideas, conclusions and, even theories? Maybe I'd better admit it's the power coming from delicacy inherent in Human minds which makes us respond swiftly to confrontation.

Who is observing the process of growing from a child to adult? Parents? Friends? The whole general environment? You know, sometimes when encountering with this kind of quesitons, I habitually ignore them coz I know the modern world literally has a synonymous word, complexity. This's the main reason making me become smarter, also the core attribute to blank and doubious brain condition in much of the day. While we give up looking for "final answers" as they never exist (actually our predecessors believed in their being just because they were not living in so informative a world as us), we haven't abondoned little funs gained from creating small changes in tiny things---in fact, that's the only way left for modern city creatures for the time forget about the fundamental "weakness and fragility" endowed when facing with the boundless unknowable....

Then it's so natural for me to envision a life picture describled unlike traditional. Our parents, they believe in "something good" lying there on certain stage of life, as long as they work hard, as long as they "always be good" morally, they are to get it. But we young (I don't know if it's proper to say in tone of "us") are more realistic, which doesn't only relate to social life cruleties, obstacles may appear when seeking success, but to an more sincere attitude to life, it embodies almost everything. From this perspective, we view ourselves from the god's position, top down. I see a great amount of small creatures living crowdly, and one of them is just me.

Then I say, I respect the nature more, I know life, grand and small, both share the same magnitude and fragility. There's nothing presumably superior than others!

Good or bad, are just adjectives. The world with no people, no judgements derived from people, virtually, is the right one. Why we are always placing presumables on ourselves, while often, not only on ourselves but on others as well? I decided to give up this kind of condition lacking in freedom and immigrate to the real self-conscious state.

The world unfolds in front of me, it's a mess, it's a mass, it's complexity also it's fun. No excuse for any absence for any unknown potential fun. I won't allow myself giving opinions before I actually carry something, I won't give comments casually--except orally which doesn't go to heart.

Life is like a net of millions of possibilites. Limited to only one choice is not my style. I'm not born to lead a routine life, and I'm not to die for getting something---there's only one thing waiting for us, the tomb. Distinguished life merits in experiencing, thinking, memorizing and always changing,for unknown.

 

Then you know, that's why I think I can bear trivial and boring stuffs filled in daily ways. My unique remains no matter how enviornment judges me, no matter how emotionally I may make self-depreciation. It's just me. My life's consisted of so many parts that I can always offset bad influences radiating from a part by finding out fun from others.

And so it is ME.